Mom advises parents that 18-year-old stepdaughter be left out of their will while her 17-year-old twins are included, faces backlash from husband: 'My parents see her 3-5 times a year'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 13, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

There are few things almost guaranteed to stir up trouble in a family unit like money, and people trying to claim what they think they are owed. Inheritance is a topic that elicits strong emotions and the more family members there are the more likely it is to get complicated. Usually everyone wants to have a piece of the pie.

This is something that one mom and stepmom came up against when she was helping her parents with their estate planning. Her mom and dad had allotted half of their assets to be split between their grandkids, including her stepdaughter. She suggested to them that this wasn't necessary as the teenager would have a sizeable inheritance from her dad's family, but her husband overheard and was not pleased with her advice. Reddit wasn't so sure that when it came down to it, everybody involved deserved a share of the more modest estate.

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  • 01
    with any of mirror F JAPA
    via Aaron Burden
  • 02
    AITA for telling my parents to not include my stepdaughter in their will?
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 03
    Throw away account... 1 (35f) have 2 kids (17 m/f twins) and 1 stepdaughter (18) who I met when she was 11. The other day, I was at my parents house going over some estate planning as I am the executor. While reviewing, I saw my folks had split their assets to be half for my 2 siblings and I and the other half for their grandkids-all to be distributed evenly. My stepdaughter was included. When I asked them about this, they said they wanted to be fair. Their estate isn't super large, but the sum
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 04
    I told my parents that while generous of them, I didn't think it would be necessary and would be better to split between their 5 grandkids. When we got home, my husband said he overheard what I said and that I was being an AH for alienating his daughter.
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 05
    I told him my reasoning was because she is the only child/grandchild/niece on both her parent's sides and that she would be set. Her grandparents own multiple properties, her uncles are fairly well off and live in a HCOL area, and well, she's the only kid and it's not looking like (at least in his side) that she'll have any cousins. Plus, their collective net worth is substantially more than my side. I also asked him if his parents included my kid in their estate, but he refused to answer. Still
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 06
    Edit: I was told to include this in the post- 1- I didn't argue with or pressure my parents to make a change. I simply mentioned that I don't feel it was necessary for her to receive a monetary amount. 2- my mom plans on giving her a set of family heirloom jewelry that is her birthstone. I think this is quite thoughtful. I'm not a big jewelry person and she has other sets for the other girls in the family so I feel this is ok. 3- my parents have seen her about 3-5x a year since I met her. 4- my
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 07
    5- I know my SD is set to inherit at least 2 houses in a major us city with HCOL. I found this out a while back after my husband asked me to help him organize his office. I had to read through papers to know how to file them accordingly. The paper was a certified copy and was drafted soon after we married. My kids were not included. I am not sure if it has been updated. I did not ask him about it at the time because I did not have an issue with it. 6- There is distance in the relationship but I
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 08
    But as time progressed, our opportunity to spend time together became less frequent. At first my husband had every other weekend visitation. It became less frequent as she became a teenager because she wanted to spend the night with friends, hang out, etc which I see as normal teenager behavior. The other piece is that we were never invited to be included in major celebrations for her. We usually celebrated birthdays with her a week after because we weren't invited (my husband was-just not us).
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 09
    designatedthrowawayy NTA. Everyone is in their feelings about it instead of looking at the actual facts. Your parents have 5 grandkids outside of her • Your parents can always leave her sentimental items • Your SD will get a large inheritance to herself • Your children aren't in your husband's parent's will The last one being the biggest one. Why is it ok for them to exclude your children but not the reverse? We don't support the hypocritic oath here.
    via designatedthrowawayy
  • 10
    Conscious_Tension491 OP My mom plans on giving her a family heirloom jewelry set that is her birthstone which I think is nice and thoughtful. It's not that I want to completely exclude her, I just feel it would be more meaningful towards my niblings and kids.
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 11
    landshark_2023 NTA. You stated your opinion and it doesn't sound like you pressured them. I think your parents are kind and it could be explained to your stepdaughter so her feelings wouldn't be hurt. Your husband needs to answer your question. Is your stepdaughter more important to him than his children with you? Does he not care about their future? If the stepdaughter's relatives money was split with your children, it sounds like their future would be more secure. But, I think it would be unfa
    via landshark_2023
  • 12
    Both-Buffalo9490 I want to know if your daughter is included in his parents will. He had nothing to say if they do not.
    via Both-Buffalo9490
  • 13
    Conscious_Tension491 OP I asked and he refused to tell me. I had seen some paperwork that was drafted after we got married a while back and my kids weren't on it while she had 2 houses listed. I didn't bring it up to him then because I didn't see it as an issue.
    via Conscious_Tension491
  • 14
    Username_checksouto Imfao i can imagine his face when you asked if his parents included your children in their will
    via Username_checksout0
  • 15
    son-of-a-mother There's FAIR and there's EQUITABLE. It is EQUITABLE to split things equally between all the grandkids and step-grandkids. But would it be FAIR to do so? No, it would not be FAIR to do so because step-grandkid will be inheriting more money than all the other grandkids combined. Your husband is rich, but he wants more? There's a reason why even billionaires still want more when they can never manage to spend what they have. Greed. NTA
    via son-of-a-mother
  • 16
    Shdfx1 Either the grandparents of the stepdaughter split their assets equally with her and your kids, or each set of grandparents have their own grandkids as heirs. He doesn't want fairness. He wants his daughter to be the sole heir on his side, but also inherit from her stepmother's family. That's not how it works. You're not in a difficult situation, at all. Sit your husband down, and ask him if his daughter's maternal and paternal family are dividing their assets with your kids as well. If th
    via Shdfx1
  • 17
    Intrepid_Impression8 Your parents seem like lovely people
    via Intrepid_Impression8
  • 18
    mashaslamovich NTA. You weren't excluding your stepdaughter maliciously; you were considering that she's already financially supported by her biological family. I think it's fair to want your parents' estate to focus on your kids and their cousins, who may not have as much support. Your husband likely feels protective, but your reasoning isn't wrong. Just make sure to communicate clearly so everyone's on the same page.
    via mashaslamovich
  • 19
    Stlhockeygrl Nah I can't imagine new car money split between 5 other kids is going to increase their amount to truly make a difference whereas it will go along way with keeping all 3 of your kids feeling like a part of the family. You're also assuming that she'll get money from everyone else - you have no idea if that's true. The money could run out during their care years, they could leave it to charity, etc. But it sounds like you guys are still very much in a "this is my family" and "that is
    via Stlhockeygrl
  • 20
    Conscious_Tension491 OP It's not new car money to be split. That would be about the amount they would each receive. And I know she's set to receive at least 2 houses in a major city because of paperwork I found after I got married. It was drafted after our wedding (should I mention my mother in law didn't even attend?). Either way, I didn't bring it up to my husband then because I didn't see it as an issue.
    via Conscious_Tension491

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inheritance aita stepmom wife will relationships stepdaughter husband argument family reddit thread Reddit mom money
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